LR

1. Type up your teacher comments from your first draft.

WWW: you have the beginnings of an argument here in terms of analysing a text that offers a positive representation of women. However, this just isn't up to A2 standard for the following reasons.

EBI: Research and bibliography is level 1 at best. Its also incomplete-you put two good quotes from Heidelberg on page 3 of the essay but this doesn't appear in the bibliography. Its simple, if you want a higher grade you need to do a lot of research.

Written English-you fail to use capital letters in an A2 essay-thats shocking.

When you write about media texts, there is no actual textual. you dont use any media terminology or film language etc.
similarly, no media theory. What have you been learning for the past 2 years?
You need much mire on feminism, wider context, influence on audience and impact on society etc.

you have ALOT of work to do if you want to get a c+ grade.

1. Write what mark/grade you are aiming for in your second draft.

I want to at least be able to get over 25 to 30 marks. I want to be able to be on a solid C grade.

1. Write a numbered list of five things you will do or change for your second draft that will help you get there. Be specific and explain in detail.

• I will need to research more about feminism
• Read more articles and read more books about what i am writing about.
• I will need add alot of theories and research
• I will need to make sure that i include CLAMPS and Mise-en-scene etc.
• I will need to widen my vocab